Sunday Million Double Shootout Ownage

I just finished playing a Sunday Million double shootout. There wasn't anything fascinating strategy-wise, but the chat at the final table was priceless. One clown at the final table, who is obviously a very lonely individual, saw my girly name and avatar and decided he was going to try to throw some e-game my way:

slurpee50 said, "loretta,,,,u live in cambridge, mass?" <---starts off with an icebreaker about my location, well played
Loretta8 said, "yes"
slurpee50 said, "who's the pic of?" <--he's imagining i look like my avatar
Loretta8 said, "evangelline lilly"
Loretta8 said, "from lost"
slurpee50 said, "are u a student" <--clearly picturing a sexy coed
Loretta8 said, "no"

I dont exactly respond with enthusiasm, so he gives up for a while. The tournament continues, and being a turbo the blinds get huge. So obviously I am shoving preflop a lot. He is to my left, so I shove on his blind a few times. This leads to some amazing unintentional comedy:

slurpee50 said, "loretta"
slurpee50 said, "u like to go all the way i see :)" <-LOL

Tsk, tsk. Goes with the sexual innuendo way too early. Time to give him a virtual slap:

Loretta8 said, "[ ] you have e-game"

He seems confused:

slurpee50 said, "e?"
slurpee50 said, "e game?"

I dont answer, and he shuts up for a bit, as he realizes his dreams have been dashed. But eventually we get down to 3 handed. 1st and 2nd place get a $215 Sunday Million seat, and 3rd gets a mere $35. So its a really sick bubble. Anyways, I lose some pots and get shortstacked. So as Im about to push in the remainder of my micro stack, he decided to get his revenge:

PokerStars Game #17554713510: Tournament #88683862, $10.70+$1.00 Hold'em No Limit - Match Round II, Level IX (300/600) - 2008/05/19 - 22:16:46 (ET)
Table '88683862 1' 10-max Seat #9 is the button
Seat 2: Loretta8 (1481 in chips)
Seat 3: slurpee50 (6662 in chips)
Seat 9: matasonzos (6857 in chips)
Loretta8: posts the ante 50
slurpee50: posts the ante 50
matasonzos: posts the ante 50
Loretta8: posts small blind 300
slurpee50: posts big blind 600
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to Loretta8 [2d Qc]
matasonzos: folds
slurpee50 said, "congrats on third place" <--wow what a dick
Loretta8: raises 831 to 1431 and is all-in
slurpee50: calls 831
Loretta8: shows [2d Qc]
slurpee50: shows [Ah Jc]
*** FLOP *** [7s 9c 8d]
*** TURN *** [7s 9c 8d] [Jd]
*** RIVER *** [7s 9c 8d Jd] [Qh] <-obv
*** SHOW DOWN ***
Loretta8: shows [2d Qc] (a pair of Queens)
slurpee50: shows [Ah Jc] (a pair of Jacks)
Loretta8 said, "orly?"
slurpee50 said, "grrrrrrrrrrrrrr" <--this gets a 9.8 out of 10 on the gay-o-meter

and a couple hands later, he continues to show his confusion:

slurpee50 said, "what is e game?"
Loretta8 said, "something you do not possess"

And from this next hand, its clear he doesnt have any poker skill either:

PokerStars Game #17554742343: Tournament #88683862, $10.70+$1.00 Hold'em No Limit - Match Round II, Level IX (300/600) - 2008/05/19 - 22:18:12 (ET)
Table '88683862 1' 10-max Seat #9 is the button
Seat 2: Loretta8 (3362 in chips)
Seat 3: slurpee50 (3731 in chips)
Seat 9: matasonzos (7907 in chips)
Loretta8: posts the ante 50
slurpee50: posts the ante 50
matasonzos: posts the ante 50
Loretta8: posts small blind 300
slurpee50: posts big blind 600
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to Loretta8 [6d Kc]
slurpee50 said, "u are no fun" <---awwwww
matasonzos: folds
Loretta8: raises 2712 to 3312 and is all-in <--its the bubble and we have even stacks, he cant call me here without a monster
slurpee50: calls 2712 <--insta-call, crap I'm obv behind
Loretta8: shows [6d Kc]
slurpee50: shows [4c Qs] <---call off your stack with a worse than random hand on a satellite bubble, well played
*** FLOP *** [9d 2h 7d]
*** TURN *** [9d 2h 7d] [5s]
*** RIVER *** [9d 2h 7d 5s] [3s]
*** SHOW DOWN ***
Loretta8: shows [6d Kc] (high card King)
slurpee50: shows [4c Qs] (high card Queen)
Loretta8 collected 6774 from pot

so he was left with almost nothing, and I busted him soon after. Sadly Stars turns off chat after the tournament is over, so I couldnt make fun of him any more. Oh well.

I gave 20 of the resulting tournament dollars to help the China earthquake relief fund. Its really easy to do, just go to the tournaments tab on Stars, then click the special tab, and scroll down. Obv a good cause.

Thanks for reading,

George